My twenties have been a rollercoaster experience. This past decade has been filled with so many delicious sky-slapping highs – but also massive, massive lows. For every new job or new friend there has been a friendship loss, a mental health dip or something that has taken a deep and personal toll on me.
Before I reached my twenties, I thought I had it all sorted. I was the one that didn’t quite fit in, judging those around me I deemed less worthy. I cringe saying that but honestly – I was awful. Just horrendously defensive, envious, and self-obsessed. I thought I deserved the whole world and treated myself like a victim. But, then and again, I WAS a victim. I am a survivor. There were so many times in my teens I was torn apart, abused and taken advantage of. I had a genuine reason not to trust and I had a reason to withdraw and protect myself. I was ballsy, but out of a need to fight, constantly. I barely made it through to twenty. But you know what? I made it.
I started my twenties naïve, and unprepared for a tough world. I didn’t realise how difficult life could be and I was blind to the inequalities out there – for me, but especially for others. I felt sorry for myself but I didn’t realise how much I had. I was fumbling my way through an unexamined life, fuelled by insecurity and entitlement. My twenties broke me, completely. But they also rebuilt me. I found people that could teach me how to be authentically me, how to be unafraid, and how to support and build those around me. I learned to trust. I spent time with therapists, exploring the parts of me that I had locked away and avoided. I opened myself up, and discovered that I most certainly do NOT have it all sorted. Not in the slightest. And spoiler alert: neither do you. And that is absolutely fine.
I’m not perfect, I’m still learning how to be the best human I can and I’m learning and growing constantly. I’m still putting together the broken pieces, trying to make sense out of them and feel a sense of gratitude for each and every piece of me. I am learning to appreciate myself. I am trying hard to be satisfied in my imperfections, and own them.
Thank you twenties – you’ve been a real lesson. Thank you for teaching me so much. I’m ready for 30 and I can’t wait for another ten years of getting better, wiser, and most importantly, happier.