I saw her lying there, beckoning with one finger
a dark lock of her dark hair carelessly caressing her temple.
I knew what she wanted. I could see. She was hungry, but so was I.
She was belly-up, round folds of skin with dark creases
melting into the armchair.
Her jumper hoisted up by its rough fabric, but not tweed
Inexpensive. Patchy in places.
but not her smooth velvety skin. Soft, and gently rolling.
She was exposed and alone and I wanted to look away but I was addicted to the plush shirring of her body
I wanted to tell her, but her warm creamy thigh was flashing like a beacon and I can’t tear my eyes away from the freckle that winks as she flexes her leg.
Her eyes, oh her eyes. Melting my core with a complicated deep chocolate streak and the burning green fire iris.
The wicked flames burn something within me; a soft and delicate centre that oozes perverted leering and drips with saliva and wit.
Her eyes are locked onto me and finally
yes, just like that
but more, I need more
she gently leans forwards, and I eagerly lean up towards her to glimpse the gaping neckline as it drops towards me and
Once again the unstopping mechanism we call time whiles away my day
and we arrive home exhausted, tumbled through the vacuum packed train that aches and groans across the city.
The smog rolls off me as I roll off my uniform and discard it uncaringly on the floor, where it will lie forlorn until Thursday.
The pause as I unthinkingly do it again. We. That word. That loaded, cruel word.
We were two letters, joined together, only making sense as a couple, a duo. Like us, just two letters, but so warm and tender with intimacy.
I am the single lonely letter, always detached and always flying solo.
My heart reaches out to you with every afflicted limb but I’m torn apart and there is no limb left.
I’m just an echo where there used to be a person and a voice, but now there is just a shadowy reminder that I existed.
I feel it, I burn with desire but I self-douse with a shower of guilt and fading memories of we, of us
of once two letters, now one.
I am starved of you but learning what it means to be without you.
Casting my eyes about the room, my amatory senses awaken. I prepared for this. I fucking prepared.
A conquest to be had, an affair to be met and forgotten: my aphrodisiac knight in shining armour, my sick fantasy.
I lick my lips and sink into the forgiving armchair and I forget to judge myself, but I’m judging the sweet divine pudding of my dreams staring back at me.
No longer I, but back to me. Now us, now we. I already have a fork in my hand, and there is no time for flirting. I’m an uncouth, capricious delinquent with no time for manners, I lean forwards, and I cry like a baby as I devour you whole.
This was originally published in February 2017 in’ Tough and Tender: Volume One‘ by the Crybaby Collective (available to purchase via Lulu or Amazon.com).
All profits made from the anthology are going to Planned Parenthood.